Written by: Dr. Alan Stern, FACD, FICD
There is a recurring pattern we see play out in public life.
A comment is made—sometimes in humor, sometimes in frustration, sometimes without much thought at all.
Some people laugh.
Some people cringe.
Others are deeply offended.
Same words.
Different reactions.
Why?
Because context matters. Timing matters. Audience matters. And, perhaps most importantly, intent and impact are not always the same.
We have all seen moments—on stages, in media, or in everyday conversations—where something that may have been acceptable in a private circle lands very differently in a broader, more diverse audience. History is filled with examples of comments that, whether intended as humor or commentary, simply didn’t belong in the setting in which they were delivered.
And that brings us to an uncomfortable but necessary truth:
An inappropriate thought will pass through all of our minds from time to time.
That’s part of being human.
The real question is not whether we have the thought.
The real question is:
Do we say it?
The Space That Defines Us
We are endowed with something extraordinary—the ability to pause.
Between what we think and what we say lies a space.
In that space lies:
- Judgment
- Emotional intelligence
- Professionalism
- Humanity
Or… the absence of all four.
In a fast-moving, emotionally charged world—where conversations are amplified instantly and permanently—that space has never been more important.
Because once words are spoken… or posted… they are no longer ours.
They belong to everyone who hears them.
Bringing It Back to Dentistry
It’s easy to look at public figures and think, “I would never do that.”
But dentistry—like all professions—is not immune.
In fact, the closeness of our work makes it even more important.
Consider how often we are tempted to:
- Make a disparaging remark about another practitioner
- Joke about a patient interaction
- Express frustration about a team member
- Post or comment online in the heat of the moment
In a small, trusted circle, those comments may feel harmless—even relatable.
But outside that circle, they can:
- Undermine trust
- Damage professional relationships
- Erode team culture
- Reflect poorly on our profession
And perhaps most importantly…
They can cause harm.
“Do No Harm” — Beyond the Operatory
We were trained to “do no harm” clinically.
But what about our words?
Words shape perception.
Words influence culture.
Words can build people up—or tear them down.
A careless comment about another dentist doesn’t just affect that individual—it subtly diminishes the profession in the eyes of patients.
A frustrated remark about a team member doesn’t just release tension—it can erode psychological safety.
A poorly thought-out post doesn’t just express an opinion—it becomes a permanent reflection of who we are.
A Simple but Powerful Filter
Before speaking—or posting—pause and ask:
• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind?
If it doesn’t meet those standards…
Let it pass.
Not every thought deserves a voice.
Leadership in the Moments No One Sees
Leadership is not defined only by big decisions or grand gestures.
It is defined in the small, quiet moments:
- The comment we choose not to make
- The criticism we choose to reframe
- The pause we take before responding
That pause is not weakness.
It is strength.
It is discipline.
It is professionalism at its highest level.
Final Thought
We cannot control every thought that enters our minds.
But we can control what leaves our mouths.
And in that choice lies our character, our credibility, and our impact on those around us.
In dentistry—and in life—your words matter…and so do the people they touch and those it serves.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alan Stern, DDS, retired from clinical dentistry in 2023 and now operates Better, Richer, Stronger, LLC. He is a dental practice coach, keynote speaker, and author.
His book, Enjoy the Ride, is available on Amazon.
Join his Facebook group, strangely called Better, Richer, Stronger.
He can be reached at [email protected]. You can also visit his website at dralanstern.com.
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: AndryDj/Shutterstock.com.
